Thursday, 15 January 2015

Making bigger steps. Furiously not doing things. Which is hard.

Things seem to be moving forward. That is I am moving them forward. Slowly, but less slowly than they have been - that frustrating, snail crawl of being sober and wondering, so what. 

It feels rather spiffing at the moment. And with this in mind I've started making more demands of myself. They're tiny by the standards of someone without an addiction who isn't struggling with crippling anxiety. For me they're quite big. 

What does it amount to then, this big step? 

Well, I'm upping my commitments. "I will leave the house every day" has become "I will take a walk every day". See, pretty weeny. 

It's good though. It's more exercise, and exercise is a massive positive for me, and more of a challenge. If I count the walk to the shop to buy fags as leaving the house, which I was, or I count my three weekly walks to my Antabuse supervision, I'm not doing enough. 

Now, I'm asking myself to go on one of my walks. Either a spin round the local parks or a circuit round the block. Neither of them will see me signing up for the next Olympics, but they both get me out of the house for around half-an-hour. I walk quickly, so I probably do at least a mile. 

I've also decided to do something about my bad online habits. A friend on Facebook, ironically, announced he had blocked himself from social media for most of every hour with some free software. I've done the same myself. It's called Leechblock if you'd like to take a look - so far so good. 

This means I have to, well, do stuff. I've mentioned that working more and earning more is a big target for me. I'm a freelance writer. I'm actually quite a good one. I don't make enough of what talent I have. Independence is one of my aims and that means earning my keep. 

So far my blocking has meant an unexpected session of meditation and I've completed my tax return. 

Good start.