Geographically I had well-worn paths. My life was generally triangular - home, the pub, the corner shop and takeaways where I bought rubbish food and takeaway cans and bottles of rum. It was very safe and very comfortable. It was very enclosing and limiting.
I find now that I'm more willing to step outside of my self-imposed limitations. To walk around different corners and take different routes. I won't say it's not frightening, because it is. But it's doable.
A symptom of sobriety is an all-round lightening, a lifting of the head and the eyes. Sometimes I even think about the future.
I remember reading an account, by some famously reprobate rock star whose name I can't now recall, of heroin addiction. He recalled how all-encompassing it was. Get up, find means to score heroin, score heroin, return home, use heroin. Repeat.
Drinking was rather like that. Get up. Wait to drink. Drink. Go home. Sleep. The first drink was always the focus of all my thoughts. Then the next drink. Horizons were small, plans short-term. The derogatory "pub talk" is apt. We made all sorts of plans, concerts to attend, holidays to go on, countries to visit, knowing deep down we'd be meeting up at the same bar making the same plans in a year's time.
This is changing. I don't have a long-term plan except in the vaguest terms - I will get better; I will do more. It's starting to seem possible though. I notice small instances of planning ahead, knowing what I'll make for dinner, having an idea of how I'll tackle my work...
A menu for changeI never got around to mentioning my diet as one of my "Tools for recovery". I start from quite a good position. My parents are very healthy eaters and I've picked it up from them. Mag is of part-Chinese heritage and that brings a culture where food is very important and prized for its freshness and health giving qualities as well as its taste.
So we eat pretty well. In fact, now I'm sober we're eating really well. I'm quite into the idea that one can eat oneself, if not happy, then happier. I've read bits and pieces, but the Optimum Nutrition for the Mind book my Mum gave me was a bit supplement heavy. There's a lot of doubt cast on the efficacy of supplements at all.
I'm happy then to follow quite common sense, traditional thinking on what a good diet is: plenty of fruit and veg, balance, not too much fat, low in sugar (we use almost no sugar, I think), and so on.
Sober me is a good and quite passionate cook. I hope this will develop and grow. My choice I guess.
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