Sunday, 22 February 2015

Getting back on track.

Again I find myself a little discombobulated and not sure quite what to write about. However, this is a diary, so let's diarise. 

A day of seven halves. That is to say my mood swung around quite a lot today. It's probably the effect of having someone to stay. This disturbed routines are only just established and so rather fragile. 

I didn't do my evening work-out from Thursday night until tonight (Sunday). I did meditate every day though so that's good. My work was rather disrupted so I feel even further behind and with more coming in. This is a definite stressor and something to be aware of. 

I was quite pleased with how today went in the end. It started badly, with a short return of the Bad Mantra. The fact that it's shorter is good. It's still very painful though, there is still unresolved emotion there. 

I really thought that was going to comprehensively hobble me for the day, but it didn't. 

A couple of things saved me. One was meditation - I've done three 10 minute sessions so far today and may yet complete four. The second was a new book I'm reading. 

It's called The Presence Process - A Journey Into Present Moment Awareness* by Michael Brown. To be honest, I bought it rather by mistake, thinking it to be a meditation book. 

It is in a way, but it's much more than that. I won't be able to do it justice in this post, there is no doubt a lot more about it elsewhere on the web. 

It really chimed with me today. I struggled to get started with it last night. I didn't like some of the language, and I have a bit of a knee-jerk scepticism to a lot of self-help stuff. Besides something involving a 10 week course of action - as this does - would have been so far out of my comfort zone as to be little more than a joke to me in the past.

For whatever reason The Presence Process won me over. I was really able to engage with and concentrate on it. And I agreed with what I was reading, which rather surprised me. 

The fact that it discusses unresolved - or unintegrated - emotion so much was perfect timing after going through the Bad Mantra. 

That lifted me for a while, but I rather lost my way again in the afternoon and again ended up sleeping for a while. I'm rather tired now so not in a state to look for causes for those two days when exhaustion made me sleep during the day. I do know, however, that I don't welcome the development. 

I didn't really leave the house today. Going for fags hardly counts. I did cook and eat well and was fairly on top of things domestically. 

This has been quite a confused and not very inspiring post. In that, it reflects the day it ends. Mag is going away tomorrow, for three weeks. There are challenges ahead, but I approach them in a better state than I would have done a while ago.

If you spent it, thank you for your time. If you'd like to leave a comment please do.