Tuesday, 31 March 2015

I'm on a plain. Higher lows and faster returns.

That was a rather serendipitous phrase to drop into my head. I am on a plain. Slightly flat, but - like Kurt - I can't complain.

It's good that music is even entering my head actually. I think my brain is slowly changing in lots of ways. I listen to more music these days and I'm very glad of it. It's a sign that my concentration is improving (I listen to more full albums too) and that one of my abiding passions is coming back to me.
While I am having mood swings a go-go, they are not such plunging depths as they have been. I had a screw up on Monday and remained a little in the dumps yesterday, but today has been a pretty good day. Flat, but on a higher plain. 

I wasn't exactly God's gift to freelance content writing, but I did OK. I ate three good meals and exercised. I meditated. I sat downstairs rather than upstairs at my computer. I maintained my abstinences from nicotine and porn with relatively little trouble. I played the guitar rather a lot. 

My lows are raising in height and I'm bouncing back more quickly from the downs that I do have. 

I hope this marks a general upturn, a trend rather than a blip. I think the propranolol has had a hell of an effect on my life very quickly. I'm not cured of anxiety, I still have anxious thoughts, but breaking the physical roller coaster ride has been incredibly powerful. 

The big test will come the day after tomorrow when I have to go to my office job. I haven't been since I started on the propranolol. The last few journeys to the office have been very bad. If there's any improvement on that I'll be very pleased. 

It's a measure of how well, how stable things are going, that I don't really have much to say. That will change in time, I hope. There's work to be done on this blog for one thing. I've been happy coasting, but I'll need to start moving soon. 

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