My anxiety remains stubbornly present and, in fact, getting a little worse. I think thinking about it is making it worse. Not sure what to do about that. However, the day always ends up much better than that. I work with other people giving me some valuable social contact. My work is directed so I feel more useful and worthwhile than when working alone. I enjoy walking home among all the other workers - I feel like a member of the human race.
On my way home I checked my email. I even went as far as checking the promotions inbox and found a reminder mail from Headspace. I'm glad I did because it reminded me to meditate, which I have just done.
Give Headspace a try if you get a chance. It's free to get started - that's what I'm doing, a 10 day introduction of 10 minutes each day. I'm also doing my own standard breath-count meditation when I remember.
Small easy steps must be the process at the moment and meditating twice a day is the first of those. I also want to make sure I do my mini workout every day.
I'd like to do something towards changing my life every day. That doesn't mean big, grand, structural things, it means things as simple as doing something about the pile of paperwork on my desk, or doing a few minutes cleaning, or moving about in some way, or playing the guitar for a few minutes (though not for hours when I'm supposed to be working!).
When I think about the life I'd like to head towards, it seems too much and very far away. That's because it is too much to make all those changes at once. However, I can make small changes and try to make them habitual every day.
Most of all I want to reduce the amount of time I spend sitting doing nothing other than worrying. I'd like that to become a trigger for doing something. Anything. I'm even going to juggle! It might seem a bit silly, but I started juggling when I was a kid. I'm not very good; I can keep three balls going well enough. I don't have any particular ambitions to become a very good juggler, or to juggle in public, I just quite enjoy doing it - I think it's actually a meditative activity in a way, a meditation of movement.
When I went with my struggles to the alcohol support forum I use - Brighteye - someone suggested I try knitting. That's a possibility too. I remember doing some crochet as a child and enjoying its calming, repetitive rhythms.
On my "new life" list is creativity, which is a nice, big, broad category that could end up mean nothing. I'll refine it a little now then. I'd like to make something with my hands - not sure what, or how, or if I'll be any good at it, but I'm going to try. Ideas gratefully received.
I'm trying to keep looking at the positive of these little of struggles of mine and I think (two days in for heaven's sake!) it's having an effect.
If you spent it thank you for your time. If you're struggling with something I wish you strength and peace. If you'd like to talk leave a comment or send me an email.