What a difference a seemingly small thing can make to this whole stew of recovery, anxiety, depression and addiction. I've just done my workout and I feel really great.
It's not much. I do a set of 15 exercises for two minutes each. Half an hour of exercise in a little more time.
I first did it as part of the exercise class I was prescribed, so it has the benefit of being designed for people who aren't well. That's great, because it means that it starts off as a relatively physically undemanding thing, something to get you starting to move. But it can be built up in intensity and difficulty to something that's quite tough.
I'm not pretending I'm Big Arnie or anything, but armed with my little 3kg weights I get a decent little work out. And it's something to build on.
Tonight, after a few days off or just taking half measures of one minute per physical jerk, it was bloody hard work!
I'm so glad I did it though. My mood feels transformed.
It has no right to be. I had a pretty terrible day. Filled with inertia and fear. I sat and stared at a screen for most of the day doing very little of use. I did meditate this morning, and that's a definite plus.
I'd say something changed in the afternoon. I'm not sure what. Maybe I realised that I wasn't going to indulge in any porn. Some energy arrived from somewhere. I did a little turn on the exercise bike.
I also signed up at Recovery Nation, a free sexual addiction programme that I've seen mentioned on No Fap and related threads. It looks quite demanding, and I'm quite doubtful that I'm going to have the time to get into it much, if at all. Still, it felt like a positive step at the time and I know I'll get something out of reading some of the material.
I spent far too long around No Fap today. Believe you me, that's far better than wasting time on social media or skirting around porn or, even worse, diving into porn. However, it was all fairly aimless, though I did post the odd comment or two. I like to try to be encouraging, but I think on one occasion today I might even have given some actively bad advice to someone and had to retract it and apologise. I'm pretty sure no harm has been done.
I don't think I've found an accountability partner, but I'll take a look in a minute.
I really think I should finish this, do a quick round of my forums, meditate and go to bed. I'm shattered again, but in far better heart than I have been for a couple of days.
If you spent it, thank you for your time. If you'd like to talk, my email address is on the contact page or leave a comment below.